Girl Scout Cookies: Proceeds Promote Lesbianism, Planned Parenthood And Communism, Warns Kevin Swanson

Before you reach for that box of Thin Mints, think twice: You may be stirring the ire of a right-wing extremist.

Kevin Swanson, a pastor and host of the Christian radio show “Generations,” went on a diatribe Monday, blasting the Girl Scouts of the United States of America as an instrument of feminism and “antithetical to a biblical vision for womanhood.” He added that buying Girl Scout Cookies is tantamount to supporting Planned Parenthood, abortion and lesbianism.

“The individualism of feminism has been devastating to this country. I’d say you ought to say no the Girl Scout Cookies too. I don’t want to support lesbianism, I don’t want to support Planned Parenthood and I don’t want to support abortion, and if that be the case I’m not buying Girl Scout Cookies.”

After begging his listeners not to buy the famously tasty treats, Swanson went on to concede that it might be acceptable to do so as long as you take a black magic marker and crossed out all the Girl Scout references on the box. He cautioned, however, that promoting an organization that empowers women to think for themselves is the quickest way to ensure that -- you guessed it -- communists will seize control of the U.S. government.

“I think we understand why Barack Obama is president of the United States. He is incredibly popular with single women, incredibly popular. In fact, if you want a communist in the White House in the year 2020, you have got to get more daughters raised with the worldview, the independent mind-set, the worldview that is presented by the Girl Scouts of America.”

A sound bite of Swanson’s rant was posted online by Right Wing Watch. It plays almost like satire, and indeed if you’re unfamiliar with Swanson’s brand of religious fanaticism, you might assume he’s a radio troll looking to get a rise out of websites like Right Wing Watch. He’s been at it for a while, though. In the 1990s, he wrote a book about how Christian ethics can restore America’s freedom, and his radio show has been on the air since 2003, according to the “Generations With Vision” website. More recently, he vowed not to see the summer blockbuster “Star Trek Into Darkness” because he said it “promotes bestiality.”

However, his latest rant against Girl Scout Cookies is earning him more than a few well-deserved detractors, even among fellow Christians.

First sold in 1917, Girl Scout Cookies are a major fundraising source for the organization, which sells more than 2 million boxes per year. According to the Girl Scouts, “None of the money earned from any Girl Scout council-sponsored cookie sale is given to any other group.” Sorry, communists.

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