25 Funny Quotes To Celebrate National Spouses Day 2023

Marriage is not easy, but it also shouldn't be hard. Dismount from the normalcy of getting to work early and getting home late by throwing a little humor at your spouse every now and then. As the adage goes, "A day without laughter is a day wasted."

You don't have to wait for Valentine's Day to celebrate with your partner, your better half, or whomever you consider your soulmate as National Spouses Day is on Jan. 26. In the U.S. and the U.K., the unofficial holiday for spouses is a national holiday.

Celebrate National Spouses Day by making your spouse crack a smile or burst into laughter with the following funny quotes sprinkled with sugar and spice. After all, laughing with your life partner is beyond laughter; it is a foundation of casual intimacy and a string of an unbreakable bond that is love in its purest form.

1. "You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time... Husband!" —Bill Maher

2. "Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are." —Will Ferrell

3. "I married for love, but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored." —Cameron Esposito

4. "I'm just a diaper-changing facility hooked up to a life-support system, but my wife, she's breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She's a human Denny's all day long ... and it never ends for her. She's the most beautiful Denny's you've ever seen though, I guarantee it." —Ryan Reynolds

5. "I'd like to publicly thank my husband [Dax Shepard] for changing half the diapers in our house. I hope he changes all of mine one day..." —Kristen Bell

6. "One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes I'm like, 'Why are you in here?' And he's like, 'I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?'" —Michelle Obama

7. "My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce. Murder, yes, but divorce, never." —Jack Benny

8. "She is the only evidence of God I have seen, with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one sock from the dryer every time I do my laundry." —"St. Elmo's Fire"

9. Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing." —Natasha Leggero

10. "Marriage is not just spiritual communion and passionate embraces; marriage is also three-meals-a-day and remembering to carry the trash out." —Joyce Brothers

11. "When you see married couples walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad." —Helen Rowland

12. "It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass." —Rodney Dangerfield

13. "An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her." —Agatha Christie

14. "The man who says his wife can't take a joke forgets that she took him." —Oscar Wilde

15. "Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun." —Stephanie Ortiz

16. "Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you." —Megan Mullally

17. "I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry." —Rita Rudner

18. "The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it." —Anne Bancroft

19. "Marriage is getting to have a sleepover with your best friend, every single night of the week." —Christie Cook

20. "I'm so conflicted when my husband does the laundry. On one hand, he did the laundry. On the other, my clothes can now be sold at Gap Kids." —Molly McNearney

21. "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." —Henny Youngman

22. "I asked my dad once, 'How did you and Mum stay married for thirty-three years'? And he said, 'Well, we never wanted to get divorced at the same time.'" —Gwyneth Paltrow

23. "For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have their own bathroom. The end." —Catherine Zeta-Jones

24. "Who won in life? Me. Because I got to marry you." —Chip Gaines

25. "I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." —Rita Rudner