Brad Pitt
Brad Pitt Reuters

Brad Pitt’s career so far has been about as spectacular and decorated as one can get. He’s had the timeless roles (Jeffrey Goines, Mickey O’Neill, Aldo Raine — the list goes on), the starlet significant others (Paltrow, Aniston, and Jolie aren’t bad for a day’s work) and a healthy share of secondary spotlight, the type you gain when you adopt the world over and shill for a slew of causes, both with your fame and yoour overflowing checkbook.

Aesthetically, Pitt’s hasn’t skipped a beat. Just the sight of him, with the same wispy locks, piercing eyes, and immaculate cheekbones that he had when he cruised with Thelma and Louise, still casts a hypnotizing spell on women.

Despite Pitt’s unquestioned good looks and fame, it was still surprising to hear he’d been named a spokesmodel for Chanel, the first man to hold that distinction in the 91-year history of the high-end women’s accessories Goliath. Even more bewildering, Pitt, we learned earlier, would be plugging for Chanel No. 5 perfume.

Alas, the day has arrived and the commercial has been released. Pitt, of course, looks nothing short of divine — he’s even added a well-coiffed goatee to his established arsenal of picture-perfect features. What doesn’t appear to be picture perfect is the commercial itself. At first glance, it comes off as downright loony, full of Brad Pitt staring into space and uttering a monologue that sounds like it was co-written by Ralph Waldo Emerson and Galileo when the two were on shrooms.

About halfway through the zany soliloquy, though, Pitt stares directly at the camera and hauntingly ventilates, “Wherever I go, there you are: my luck, my fate, my fortune." At this point, it becomes apparent that Brad is, yes, you’re hearing this correctly, seducing a glass bottle of perfume, the idea of which seems about as wacky as the commercial itself.

To sum things up, Brad Pitt was reportedly paid $7 million, according to Salon, to deliver a nonsensical monologue that probably would have been jeered at in a New York beginners’ acting class.

Check out the $7 million footage here

Brad Pitt