Christmas Jokes 2016: 23 Funny Puns And Holiday One-Liners For Kids And Adults

If you're going to be home with family over the holidays, you're almost definitely going to need a laugh. Grab your phone, escape to the garage and read through these funny, Christmas-themed jokes. Once you've perfected your performance, go try them out on the kids of the house. Your sparkling humor will bring your relatives together in no time.

The following quips were collected from the Telegraph, Jokes4Us, whychristmas.com and xmasfun.com:

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care — they'd been worn all week and needed the air.

Knock, knock.

(Who's there?)

Rabbit.

(Rabbit who?)

Rabbit carefully. It's a present.

Q: Why does Santa have three gardens?

A: So he can "hoe, hoe, hoe."

Q: What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?


A: He got 25 days in jail.

Q: What do you call Santa's helpers?

A: Subordinate clauses.

Q: What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?

A: Santa Clues.

Q: Where do elves go to dance?

A: Christmas balls.

A Christmas song told me to "Deck the Halls," so I did. Mr. and Mrs. Hall were not very happy."

Q: What do you call an elf who sings?

A: A wrapper.

Q: What sickness do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?


A: Tinselitis.

Q: What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

A: It's Christmas, Eve!

Q: What do you call Frosty the Snowman in May?

A: A puddle.

Knock, knock.

(Who's there?)

Hannah.

(Hannah who?)

Hannah partridge in a pear tree!

Q: What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet?

A: The Christmas alphabet has Noel.

Q: Where does Frosty the Snowman keep his money?

A: In a snow bank.

Q: What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?

A: Stick with me, and we'll go places.

I'm worried about the stressed-out snowman. He had a meltdown today.

Q: What do you call a reindeer with no eyes?

A: I-have-no-eye-deer.

Q: What did the tree say after a long winter?

A: It's almost spring. What a re-leaf!