Craigslist Poster Offers To Trade Midnight Premiere ‘Dark Knight Rises’ Tickets For Sex In Saddest Post Ever

Want to go see The Dark Knight Rises at its midnight premiere Thursday, but fear it will be sold out? Don't worry, this Los Angeles man has you covered -- as long as you're willing to have sex with him.

The anonymous Craigslist post, titled Be My Date for The Dark Knight, offers a free ticket (and snacks!) to the midnight premiere of Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight Rises in exchange for a lot of sex. Well, at least he isn't giving it away for cheap.

The poster asks for the lovemaking session to last equal to or lesser than the length of the movie. At 2 hours and 45 minutes, the potential lady had better be hoping for lesser. Of course, she'll also have to cuddle afterward.

At this point, we should know that the stereotype of comic book fans as nerdy, sexless losers isn't exactly correct, but this post definitely isn't helping.

Here is the post in its entirety.

That's right. I have two tickets for the Dark Knight. Not just any two tickets, either. Tickets for the 12:01am Thursday night (tonight)/Friday morning IMAX showing. And I want one of those tickets to be yours. What a cool first date, right? I grew up sneaking snacks into the movies, and I hated it - so also let's make it a point to go nuts at the snack bar. Obviously, on me. I would insist. :-)

All I'm asking is that you be cute (be honest, LOL!), cool, and a good catch. Also, you have to be willing to f*ck me. A lot.

Most people are going to write an ad like this and mention how I expect nothing of you other than the pleasure of your company. Not the case here. You're going to have to f*ck me. Again: maybe a lot. Sorry.

WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE DARK F*CKING KNIGHT F*CKING RISES HERE, PEOPLE.

I am not giving this ticket away without getting f*cked.

Not only are you going to have to f*ck me, but you're also probably going to have to s*ck me, bl*w me, and maybe even l*ck my t**nt. I don't know. I haven't figured all that other stuff out yet, but definitely plan on f*cking me.

The length of the f*cking could vary, but I think we'll just say that the MOST I'd require is a f*cking equal to or lesser than the length of the movie. No, not including the trailers and credits - I'm not a CRAZY PERSON! Besides, if I have a lot to drink that night, or accidentally think about my ex-girlfriend, you'll probably only have to f*ck me once. But if, CoinStar willing, I happen to pick up one of those $10 gas station boner pills, we might f*ck for a while.

Also, I'm not looking to f*ck a one night stand, so you're probably going to have to hang out for a bit afterwards. I won't call it cuddling, but, ok, yeah let's just call it that. Eye-gazing isn't required, mostly because I'm usually horribly shameful afterwards and eye-contact makes me feel sick to my stomach, but listening sure as hell is: I'm going to need to tell you a lot about my Mom and my ex-girlfriend.

Ok, but again, The Dark Knight Rises, 12:01am, IMAX, unlimited trips to the snack bar - and all you have to do is f*ck me. I think I'm taking a beating on this, but what can I say....I just want to give back to another true fan like me.

Interested, ladies?