Comedian Joan Rivers talked to reporters as she arrived for a gala honoring the late stand-up comedian George Carlin, the 11th annual Mark Twain Prize for American Humor recipient, at the Kennedy Center in Washington, Nov. 10, 2008. Monday would have been Rivers' 82nd birthday.Reuters
Comedy and fashion fans across the world were set to celebrate the late Joan Rivers on Monday, which would have been her 82nd birthday. The famous comedian, who died Sept. 4, 2014, was known for her raunchy humor, quick insults and plastic surgery.
The Grammy Museum in Los Angeles will debut an exhibit Monday in Rivers' honor, called "Joan Rivers: Can We Talk?" The exhibit will include a few of her costumes, an Emmy award and her Hollywood Walk of Fame star, among other artifacts, according to the website. It will be on display through Sept. 2o.
If you can't make it to California and still want to remember Rivers, here are a few of her best jokes, collected by Vulture and Parade:
“I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.”
"I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking."
“My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it’s missing, and what’s there stinks.”
"I now consider it a good day when I don't step on my boobs."
"You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift-wrapped it."
“I hate housework. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later, you have to start all over again.”
"The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it."
“There are many self-help books by Ph.D.s, but I hold a different degree: an I.B.T.I.A. -- I’ve Been Through It All. This degree comes not on parchment but gauze, and it entitles me to tell you that there is a way to get through any misfortune.”
"I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery."
"A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don't want to go through menopause again."
"Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century."
“I can’t wear yellow anymore. It’s too matchy-matchy with my catheter.”
"Want to know why women don't blink during foreplay? Not enough time."
"My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I'd scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus -- that way, I'd visit him every day."
"I'm no cook. When I want lemon on chicken, I spray it with Pledge."
"I’ve learned: When you get older, who cares? I don’t mince words, I don’t hold back. What are you gonna do to me? Fire me? It’s been done. Threaten to commit suicide? Done. Take away my show? Done! Not invite to me to the Vanity Fair party? I’ve never been invited!"
"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."
"I finally found out how priests get holy water. They boil the hell out of it."
"You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary."
"People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made."
