Romney's Idea of Real Money: Just a New Yorker's Opinion

We were hanging around the Romney campaign headquarters after his recent 8-vote victory. The streamers were down and no one was left but a single volunteer, the candidate, and a final bit of unfinished business. There were just a few last calls to make to wrap things up in the Caucus state.

Young Romney Iowa campaign volunteer on the phone: Hello, Mrs. Hockenmeyer? Is that you?

Mr. Hockenmeyer: Honey, who is that on the telephone?

Mrs. Hockenmeyer: Well I don't know, just hold on.

Mr. Hockenmeyer: If it's that Obama fella, tell him forget it, we're voting for that Romney guy. He'll stop the Obamacare.

Mr.s Hockenmeyer: No, dear, that Romneycare in Massachusetts is the same as Obamacare, actually. And we have Medicare, so it doesn't affect us.

Mr. Hockenmeyer: Well tell tell him that Romney fella promised to keep the federal government out of our Medicare, then.

Mrs. Hockenmeyer: Actually, dear, those Medicare checks come from the federal government.

Mr. Hockenmeyer: Don't argue with me. And tell that Obama fella on the phone not to call again.

Mrs. Hockenmeyer (into phone): Shhh, oh dear, not to you. That's my husband in the background. He thinks you are an Obama volunteer.

Romney volunteer: Oh, heavens no. I'm a Romney volunteer. So Mr. Hockenmeyer is there with you, too? I was hoping to find you both at home...

Mrs. Hockenmeyer: Well we are a little busy, it's bridge night, and the Hendersons and the Lamberts and the Kinsleys are also here.

Romney volunteer: That's great! I was calling them next ... do you have a minute ... and a speakerphone, perhaps, so I could speak to all of you together?

Mrs. Hockenmeyer: Why yes ...You want to speak to all of us?

Romney volunteer: Yes, please, that would be great.

Mrs. Hockenmeyer to the room: Everyone, gather round, a nice young Romney volunteer wants to talk with us.

She puts the phone on speaker.

Romney volunteer via the speakerphone: Hello, Mrs. and Mrs. Hockenmeyer, Henderson, Lambert and Kinsley. On behalf of the Romney camp, I just wanted to thank you for your eight votes. You made it possible for us to win in Iowa. You're very valuable to us and we wanted to make sure you know it. And as a special surprise, your candidate, Mitt Romney, is here with me and wants to say just a few words of thanks.

Mitt Romney: I just wanted to thank you all for your support...

Mr. Hockenmeyer: Just make sure that federal government keeps its hands off my Medicare. And back the dollar with gold like you promised us. And repeal that Obamacare, too.

Romney (without hesitation): Absolutely. No problem. Thank you and bless you. Got to run.

Assembled group: Bye, good luck in New Hampshire.

Romney: God bless.

Romney to volunteer: Glad it only took one call. I thought we would have to call each one separately, and the family wants the private jet to reach New York by dinnertime. We have a reservation at Per Se ... (Checking his Rolex) ... How much did they run us anyway?

Romney volunteer: Pretty steep. The accountants say we spent $1.5 million and the Super Pac another $2.8 million, so that's about $537,500 each.

Romney: What a relief. For a second, I thought Iowa cost us real money.