Separating Family Business From The Family's Business

To operate a business, you need the perfect balance of interest and detachment -- "attached detachment" may be the right term. You must love it enough to make it work, yet separate yourself from it enough emotionally so that you do not take losses, bad reviews, or rude clients personally. Because of this precarious balance, family business tends to be especially trying.

Detachment is not a word we would use for most families, right? Most would use over-involved instead. When it comes to families, we can often take everything personally because, well, families are personal. It takes time, practice and will power not to let your aunt's comments on your clothes, your cousin's "hot takes" on politics and your grandmother's never-ending questions on your relationship status get to your head.

Blend family and business, and you get a recipe for the good, the great, the bad and the ugly, all in one profit-making package. Family matters often overlap with business hours, and it is so easy to lose your filter or forget where you are. Whether there are only two siblings involved or hundreds of family members, the family's business can be hard to keep from the family business.

The family's business

So what exactly is the family's "business," the personal matters that have no place in your actual business? The line gets blurry. When you work with the same people who know most of your secrets, some things may not even cross your mind as family matters. Here is a list to clear up that line.

Family secrets

Family secrets usually involve several family members -- sometimes, the whole family is in on it. The thing is, no one outside the family should know about them. From small things like recipes to high-stakes secrets like where the secret family safe is, you really shouldn't discuss these things in public. Keep them away from the workplace and, though this should be obvious, don't circulate them in the business newsletter.

Family dirt

Family dirt is not exactly a secret, but families usually don't air their dysfunction from the rooftop either. Dirt is usually semi-public knowledge that is deeply personal and far more damaging than basic gossip. This includes drug addictions, who had plastic surgery, who gave up their baby for adoption, etc. Dirt can harm the whole family or a family member if someone makes it common knowledge outside of the business.

Family arguments

Your uncle and cousin just got into an argument -- or maybe your grandfather has issues with your aunt's third husband. It may be that you fight with your father nightly about how you spend money, or your brother likes to provoke everyone into political arguments. Anything that your family fights about is private and shouldn't leech into the business.

Politics

Very rarely does everyone in a family share the same political stance on every single issue. Sooner or later, these opposing views come out and cause friction. Even if your family business is in politics, keep your bias out of the family's business political stance.

Separate your business from the business

Allowing family matters to seep into business culture may not only make you lose your reputation as a business, but it also shows your customers that your business is unstable. If competitors get word that internal relationships are rocky or catch wind of some terrible secret, they can always use this to their advantage, too. So how do you separate the family's business from the family business? Here are a few tips.

Air out grievances on personal time

Sometimes you can forget this rule where the family business is concerned. Don't address whatever fights, arguments, or disagreements you have with a family member at work. Work time is work time. This also goes for social media. Be kind and smart enough to respect your family and business enough not to post all your family issues for the whole world to see.

Detached attachment

Remember that first point about business? It especially applies to the family business. Separate your emotions from your work life. Even though you think your aunt is wrong to forbid your cousin from seeing their boyfriend at work does not mean it is a personal attack against your cousin. Separation of church and state, so to speak, is important for families who have a business together.

Refrain from gossip

No matter the workplace and the workforce, gossip has no place in a business environment. Even celebrity gossip sites should not encourage personal gossip floating around the office. This rings especially true for family businesses. You cannot gossip about your family during work time or your family member's work during family time.

Yes, Karen comes in late often and complains about everything, but that is not something you post on the cousins' WhatsApp group. And James may have a drinking problem, but maybe don't discuss it as you ring up a customer's order on Thursday afternoon.

Non-disclosure and confidentiality agreements

If your family cannot keep their personal life out of the family business, have everyone sign a non-disclosure agreement. Bigger family businesses have taken this approach, especially those in politics or entertainment. The agreement binds each family member by law to keep family matters out of the business. Violating the contract means termination, demotion, salary loss, or whatever consequences you decide on as a family.

In conclusion

Each family member must commit to keeping family matters separate from business. No matter what the behind-the-scenes issue is brewing or has already exploded, it must stay behind-the-scenes. Do not give your clients and competitors ammunition to take your business down. And do not be the reason why the family business crumbled. Keep it in the family, on the family side.