'Trust Me, I'm Dr. Ozzy:' Top 5 Book Excerpts

In his new book out Oct. 11, Ozzy Osbourne, nicknamed Dr. Ozzy, answers readers' questions about health, drugs, alcohol, sex, marriage and life as a rock star. Trust Me, I'm Dr. Ozzy: Advice from Rock's Ultimate Survivor is a humorous memoir that includes some of the doctor's best material from his published columns in The Sunday Times of London.

People ask me all kinds of strange things, and if I can't answer, I'll say, 'How can you write to me and it goes in this newspaper and millions of people will probably read your problem?' Ozzy Osbourne tells Billboard.com.

You say you've got a hemorrhoid or some shit? Go to the doctor! I don't know the actual physical breakdown of the way it all works. I don't say, 'Well, go and buy five aspirins and a fucking jar of jam, and rub it on your ass.'

Below you'll find the top five health excerpts from Trust Me, I'm Dr. Ozzy: Advice from Rock's Ultimate Survivor.

Seriously, Caution is Advised.

5. Dr. Ozzy on Exercise

Dear Dr. Ozzy:
I know you work out a lot and have changed your lifestyle dramatically, but is it more difficult to maintain your exercise schedule and health regimen when you are touring? What do you recommend for people like me who pretty much live on the road?

To be honest with you, I don't need to go to the gym when I'm on the road: during a two-hour show, I'll burn about 2,000 calories and use muscles I don't even know I have until the next day, when I feel like I've been thrown off the Empire State Building. But here's the advice I'd give to anyone who works away from home in a sedentary job: go for a walk. It's one of the best forms of exercise there is, and it costs nothing. The only reason I don't go for walks myself is because my arse has got a mind of its own, and if I'm out of range of a toilet, I freak out. That shouldn't stop anybody else, though.

4. Dr. Ozzy on Hiccups

Dear Dr. Ozzy:
What's the most effective treatment for the hiccups?
Lauren, Carlisle
Tony, New York

Extreme pain, combined with the element of surprise.

3. Dr. Ozzy on Jet-lag

Dear Dr. Ozzy:
What's the best way to get over jet-lag- quickly?
James, Toronto

They say that if you line the insides of your shoes with brown paper, it cures jet-lag. Unfortunately, like a lot of things people say, it's bollocks. In reality, there's only thing that'll stop your body clock getting messed up, and it's called staying at f__king home.

2. Dr. Ozzy on the Common Cold

Dear Dr. Ozzy:
Help! I've got a cold. How can I get rid of it ASAP?
Tony, Boston

Funnily enough, getting loaded is also a great cure for the common cold. For example, I used to have this magic recipe for a Hot Ozzy (as I used to call it). You take two pints of whiskey, boil it up on the stove, add a bit of lemon-it's very important, the lemon-then drink it as quickly as you can. Trust me: by the time you've downed a Hot Ozzy, you won't just have forgotten you're ill, you'll have forgotten your own name.

1. Dr. Ozzy on Drinking

Dear Dr. Ozzy:
What's the best cure for a hangover, in your (considerable) experience?
Justin, London

This is an easy one: have another pint. You'll be feeling much better in no time. It took me 40 years of trying everything and anything to make the morning after feel better - short of actually giving up booze - until I finally realized that the only that ever worked was just to get shitfaced again. Like a lot of things, it was obvious in hindsight.

Reprinted from Trust Me, I'm Dr. Ozzy by Ozzy Osbourne © 2011 by Ozzy Osbourne.