What Women Want In Bed: Intercourse Is Not Everything For An Orgasm

The science of female orgasm has long eluded mankind despite scores of studies and a staggering amount of research.

Not experiencing an orgasm every time they have sex is a common woe among women, a study by the Kinsey Institute— an organization that works to promote a greater understanding of human sexuality has found. The study found that among 2,850 singles (1,497 men, 1,353 women), who had experienced sexual activity in the 12 months before the survey, 85 percent of men had an orgasm during their last sexual experience while only 64 percent of women reported having one.

Numerous studies were conducted on the same topic with the percentage in the results vary, but the gap between the sexes remaining the same. This begs the question—what is it that the partner can do to elicit an orgasm from the woman just as frequently.

A new study published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy may offer an answer. When researchers involved in the study asked 1,055 cisgender women aged 18 to 94 about their sex lives and sexual touching preferences, many reported that penetration alone was not enough to achieve an orgasm.

According to women, the key was clitoral and other stimulation techniques. When researchers asked the participants to check off stimulation techniques they liked best off an admirable list of options that were organized by location of the touch, amount of pressure, shape/style of the motion, and pattern the responses were very telling.

Only about 18 percent of women said they achieved a climax during sex from vaginal penetration alone. Meanwhile, 36 percent said they also needed clitoral stimulation to get an orgasm and another 36 percent claimed the stimulation enhanced the intensity of the orgasm and the overall sexual experience.

Among the participants, most women preferred a light-to-medium touch while only one in ten women said they liked firm pressure. Preferred shape/style methods that were the most popular were side-to-side, up-and-down and circular motions on or in the vicinity of the vagina. Other styles like tapping and even being “pushed together like a sandwich” were ticked on the list.

Women also disagreed with the notion that longer duration of sex gave way to a better orgasm. Debby Herbenick, the director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University, a research fellow and a sexual health educator at the Kinsey Institute who is behind the survey told CNN that the most common contributors to bringing a woman to a climax included spending time to build arousal, emotional intimacy, having a partner who knows what they liked and clitoral stimulation.

Another study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior in February revealed that straight women had fewer orgasms at the hands of their partners than any other group surveyed. The study surveyed 52,588 adults who identified as gay, lesbian, bisexual and heterosexual men and women in the U.S.

Results showed that while 86 percent lesbian women said they usually or always had orgasms with partners, straight and bisexual women only reported this standard 65 percent and 66 percent of the time respectively. Again, the results revealed a lack of understanding between not just sexes but also among individuals with different sexual orientations of what the female body preferred during sex and what drove them to an orgasm.

Author of the new book " Becoming Cliterate," Laurie Mintz says there is difference between sex and intercourse: "When we equate intercourse and sex and call everything that comes before intercourse 'foreplay,' we are buying into the cultural script that sex should proceed as follows: foreplay (just enough to get her ready for intercourse), intercourse (during which both women and men orgasm), and game over."

According to Mintz, sex does not just involve penetration but also other forms of stimulation like kissing, touching, erotic massage, and sex toys that help in achieving an orgasm.

While many websites are trying to get the conversation started on women’s sexual pleasure, the website OMGYes offers an in-depth insight. The website takes the aid of videos to demonstrate the various techniques that women use to make themselves come, either solo or with a partner. Some of the techniques named include "edging," "layering," and "orbiting”.

Herbenick also insists that partners talk to women to understand what techniques they prefer as it is not possible that two women have the same preferences. "Couples should be having conversations about what they like, what they don't like, what feels good and leads to orgasm, as well as what feels good but doesn't necessarily lead to orgasm," says Herbenick.