Bigbang’s T.O.P. Opens Up About Depression And How Art Saved His Life

Fresh from his departure from YG Entertainment, Bigbang’s T.O.P revealed he suffered from depression in the past but his love for art gave him hope to live on.

He grew up in a family of artists -- his great uncle was Korea’s pioneer abstractionist Kim Whanki. No wonder the “Haru Haru” rapper developed a fine appreciation for art.

“Since I was young I’ve suffered from depression, but by looking at beautiful things, especially art, I feel relaxed, I feel relieved,” T.O.P. also known as Choi Seung Hyun, told Hong Kong’s Prestige Online. “I was born to be sad. I’ve felt extra sensitive compared to other kids since I was young. I knew it and felt it, and spent more time and more effort to get over it by spending time with art,” he explained.

The 34-year-old singer and songwriter said he enjoys being a musician and is happy to be called an artist although he has no plans on dabbling in other forms of art.

“I think that people who are best at it should actually do it,” he said. “I think I have eyes to see what is good art, but … I’m not necessarily the best at drawing or painting.”

In February, YG Entertainment made two announcements -- Bigbang is returning with new music in the spring after several years of hiatus and T.O.P. is leaving the label after 16 years. The announcement said T.O.P. has decided to venture on new routes but will still promote with Bigbang if his schedule allows.

The news received mixed reactions from loyal fans especially because the group has already been reduced to four following the retirement of Seungri, who is in jail for the 2019 “Burning Sun Scandal.” With T.O.P.’s departure from YG Entertainment, the group is left with Taeyang, Daesung and G-Dragon.

Also in the interview with Prestige Online, T.O.P. admitted he had contemplated on taking his own life after he was indicted on drug charges owing to marijuana usage in 2017. At the time, the “Bang Bang Bang” artist was serving as a conscripted police officer under South Korea’s mandatory military service.

He said he had planned on giving up on music but did not proceed with it because music gave him the encouragement that he needed in what he described as the “worst moments” of his life.

As a gift to his loyal supporters, T.O.P. said he will release a solo album soon. “My first album will come out soon, and it will be my very first journey of sharing who I really am,” he told the outlet.