Valentines day
A man using his mobile phone walks past a shop window with signs advertising the upcoming Valentine's Day, at a luxury store in Tokyo Jan. 30, 2014. Reuters/Yuya Shino

What’s love without a little humor? This Valentine’s Day, celebrate Tuesday with some funny quotes said by celebrities, writers, comedians and more. Check them out below:

1. “Men always want to be a woman’s first love – women like to be a man’s last romance.” —Oscar Wilde

2. “Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.” —Jerry Seinfeld

3. “It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.” —Lucille Ball

4. “Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” —Chelsea Handler

5. “Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” —Ambrose Bierce

6. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell

7. “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” —Albert Einstein

8. “Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” —Richard Jeni

9. “My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.” —Joan Rivers

10. “If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something.” —Fran Lebowitz

11. “Oh, here’s an idea: Let’s make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine’s Day. That’s not weird at all.” —Jimmy Fallon

12. “I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.” —Russell Brand

13. “Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.” —Woody Allen

14. “I require three things in a man: He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.” —Dorothy Parker

15. “I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner

16. “Love is a grave mental disease.” —Plato

17. “All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” —Charles M. Schulz

18. “Every year, girls are like, ‘This is the year I get diamonds!’” And guys are like, ‘This is the year I get a blowjob!’ Everybody’s disappointed.” —Aisha Tyler

19. “Stop waiting for Prince Charming. Get up and find him. The poor idiot might be stuck in a tree or something.” —Unknown.

20. “I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours, I watched whatever I wanted on TV.” —Tracy Smith

Follow me on Twitter @mariamzzarella

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