Gingrich, Romney Debate The Perfect Wife

A friend reports on a conversation between Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich overheard after the latest debate:

Mitt: So what's it like to have two women at the same time?

Newt: Not at the same time, never. I'm no pervert.

Mitt: You know what I mean, like two wives.

Newt: Don't be daft. I never had two wives. That would be immoral.

Mitt: Not necessarily.

Newt: Oh, right. You could have two wives.

Mitt: Don't be crazy. I love my wife, I would never do that.

Newt: C'mon, Mormons, right?

Mitt: You're attacking my religion? What are you, a bigot?

Newt: Well, you gotta admit, bigamy is more a Mormon thing than a Christian thing.

Mitt: What! I am a Christian!

Newt: Not according to those evangelical leaders. That's why they went overwhelmingly for Santorum.

Mitt: They don't understand. That was years ago. We don't do that anymore.

Newt: Some of you do. In Colorado, right?

Mitt: And Utah and Arizona, too. And we mostly just ignore them. Besides, you can't blame us all for that. Mormons have nothing to do with the FLDS. That's like blaming you for the Crusades.

Newt: But you broke with them in like 1890, which is not so long ago. The Crusades was a really long time ago.

Mitt: Right, Newt, the big historian. Thank's for the lesson. You can't blame me for something that happened before I was born. I only have one wife and I have been completely faithful to her. It's not like blaming you for, for, well, how about adultery, Newt? You committed adultery, right?

Newt: I'm just saying, if I was a Mormon like you, it wouldn't have been adultery. I would have just had two wives.

Mitt: That's totally absurd. And again, the FLDS is not Mormon.

Newt: They think they are.

Mitt: They can think what they like. We don't think they are and we haven't done that for like 100 years. Besides, even if you were an old-time polygamous Mormon, you would have still committed adultery. Having two wives has nothing to do with it. It's still not one of those open marriages your ex says you were begging her for.

Newt: Really?

Mitt: A polygamist just has to sleep with a woman he hasn't married yet. I thought you were an historian? Don't you know anything?

Newt: So if I was a Mormon and I had married Callista, then I wouldn't be committing adultery?

Mitt: Well you would these days, like I said, we haven't allowed plural marriage for 100 years.

Newt: Except in that offshoot in Colorado, Arizona, Utah and a bunch of the West.

Mitt: Forget Southern Colorado for a minute, Newt. Lets focus on our Santorum problem, OK. That guy just won Iowa, not that the party bigwigs will let the count be changed.

Newt: So those are still your delegates.

Mitt: Correct. And Perry's endorsement won't help you against a guy who is gaining like that. Heck, look at me and Iowa.

Newt: Yeah, I saw. Iowa allows that, two winners?

Mitt: Apparently, but they won't change the vote, so I am still the winner.

Newt: That kinda reminds me of polygamy.

Mitt: Enough with the sex talk, Newt? That's how you got in trouble in the first place. Besides, you're a fine one to mock Mormonism. Open marriage, indeed. At least we did the right thing and married them both first.