2012 Election
The night is young, but with 26 percent of precincts reporting, the results of the Iowa caucuses look very similar to pre-caucus polls. Ron Paul leads by the slimmest of margins, followed by Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum. REUTERS

10. If elected president, Rick Santorum wants to bomb Nebraska.

9. After Mitt Romney called him a fat, ugly sleazeball, Newt Gingrich sobbed like a 2-year-old child.

8. Ron Paul said Iowa makes even New Hampshire seem “exciting.”

7. Michelle Bachman’s new campaign slogan is: “Today, Des Moines, tomorrow Oblivion!”

6. Jon Huntsman is asked for ID everywhere he goes, even at his own campaign headquarters.

5. Gingrich said the extreme apathy of voters gives him much cause for optimism and hope.

4. Bored out of his mind and frustrated by his sinking campaign, Rick Perry pulled out a Luger and shot up a Denny’s.

3. To make sure Sarah Palin will accept his phone calls, Gingrich disguises his voice to sound like Glen Rice.

2. Romney’s new campaign slogan: “I've got the hottest wife you've ever laid your eyes on.

1. Ron Paul is endorsing Donald Trump.

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