Joan Rivers Quotes: 15 Of The Comedian's Funniest One-Liners

Joan Rivers, who passed away at the age of 81 Thursday, made us laugh for decades, first making her mark on "The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson" in 1965 and most recently hosting E!'s "Fashion Police." She specialized in put-downs -- of herself and everyone else. In celebration of her life, here are 15 of Rivers' best one-liners:

On plastic surgery

“I’m never without a bandage.” Graham Norton, May 2009.

“The only way I can get a man to touch me at this age is plastic surgery.” The Doctors, December 2013.

“With age comes wisdom. You don’t need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.” Johnny Carson, 1986.

“No more Botox for me. Betty White's bowels move more than my face.” Today, February 2013.

"I saw what's going on under my chin. I don't want to be the one the president has to pardon on Thanksgiving." Joan & Melissa: Joan Knows Best? Feb. 2012.

On aging

“You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.” Johnny Carson, 1986.

“I can’t wear yellow anymore. It’s too matchy-matchy with my catheter.” The View.

"My vagina is like Newark [New Jersey]. Men know it's there, but they don't want to visit." David Letterman, January 2011.

On her daughter, Melissa

“The only time she really cried is when I sat her down and told her that she was not adopted.” The New York Times, December 2008.

"I try to be as nice to her as I possibly can, because one day I may need part of her liver." David Letterman, January 2011.

On money

"People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made."

On comedy

“We don’t apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don’t get it, then don’t watch us.” The NY Post, June 2014.

On style

“It’s like herpes: You either have it or you don’t.” David Letterman, July 2014.

On her childhood

“Til I was 9, my mother was still trying to get an abortion. That stuff sticks with you.” NPR, June 2012.

On fame

“Showbusiness is -- you’re there by somebody’s fluke.” NPR, June 2014.