RVH
All that glitters is not gold, especially when it arrives in an unwanted package. WikiCommons

This week, a site called ShipYourEnemiesGlitter.com went viral. More than 1 million visits and 270,000 social shares crashed the site and caused it to suspend its services due to the huge influx of orders. The owner is now looking to sell the property.

As it turns out, glitter is far from the only annoying thing available to send your enemies over the Internet, not that we condone or recommend you do such a thing. In order of increasing grimness:

Anonymous Emails Or Letters

ThePayBack.com offers prewritten anonymous letters and emails. One $3 purchase gives you access to a “nice” and “naughty” version of the same letter. Letters can be addressed to: Mean Boss, Body Odor, Always Late, Annoying Co-worker, Annoying Haircut, Pest and Mean Police Officers. Kind of limited options, but maybe this sort of thing was popular before people figured out how email works.

Dead Flowers & Fish

The same site offers lots of other revenge packages -- melted chocolates, a “bad breath package” -- but there’s something kind of poignant about the dead roses and dead fish packages. A “Dead Smelly Fish” will set you back $19.99 with free shipping. Dead roses come at standard fresh rose rates. At a slight discount, you can forgo the flowers altogether and send them a dozen dead rose stems.

The S---

There are a bevy of online services specializing in anonymously sending fecal matter to someone who gets your goat. Or maybe they get your cow, your horse or your elephant. Site quality varies, from the hyper-branded iPoopYou.com, to the retro-styled (think 1997) PoopSenders.com. All sites emphatically guarantee anonymity.

Crustacean Station

CrabRevenge.com (“Yes we sell Pubic Lice and Yes we are proud of it”) promises to “MAKE THAT B---- ITCH” starting at the low price of $19.99. Now 50% off!

As an alternative, you could just send someone an anonymous box of Maryland Blue Crabs. Pretty spooky if you’re not expecting it, right?

Total Annihilation

San Francisco is home to fresh startup Nefarious Jobs, which offers pricey but vaguely worded revenge packages like “The Relationship Breaker,” “Indecent Exposure” and “The Eviscerator.” The site’s crème de la crème package, “Total Annihilation,” has a hand-picked team of eight people surveil your target 24/7 (“There are no days off during Annihilation!”) to identify weak points of entry for life destruction. After the initial strike, a $500-a-month retainer is optional. “God help them, because no one else will!”

And lastly,

You Could Always Just Send Flowers

With a really nasty note -- someone somewhere will have to handwrite it for you before they send them out, so there’s that.