Valentine's Day 2016: Funny Quotes, Best Quips For Him, Her And Friends About Romance, Dating, Love And Marriage

It’s easy to be cynical about a day that’s devoted to love and relationships. So why not instead add a bit of humor to Valentine’s Day, whether you’re celebrating it alone or with someone special Sunday? Here is a collection of funny quotes about romance, dating, love and marriage to get your girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse or single friends laughing about the holiday:

“It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.” – Lucille Ball

“Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” – Ambrose Bierce

“I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.” – Russell Brand

“Today, folks should be all about love. Unless you’re old.” – Stephen Colbert

“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” –Albert Einstein

“Oh, here’s an idea: Let’s make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine’s Day. That’s not weird at all.” – Jimmy Fallon

“Valentine’s Day has gotten blown way out of proportion. Valentine’s Day just used to be for your girlfriend or your wife but now everyone’s like, ‘Oh, Happy Valentine’s Day!’ I even got a Valentine’s Day card from my grandmother. How ridiculous is that? We stopped having sex years ago!” – Greg Giraldo

“Love is like a faucet, it turns off and on.” – Billie Holiday

“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” – Richard Jeni

“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” – Natasha Leggero

“Today is Valentine’s Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day.” – Jay Leno

“The jewelry stores say, ‘Tell your wife you love her with a diamond,’ while wives tell you they love you with, ‘OK, but just because it’s Valentine’s Day.’” – George Lopez

“I require three things in a man: He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.” – Dorothy Parker

“Love is a grave mental disease” – Plato

“Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.” – Jules Renard

“There are only three things women need in life: Food, water and compliments.” – Chris Rock

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles M. Schulz

“Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.” – Jerry Seinfeld

“I wanted to make it really special on Valentine’s Day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours, I watched whatever I wanted on TV.” – Tracy Smith

“Every year, girls are like, ‘This is the year I get diamonds!’” And guys are like, ‘This is the year I get a blowjob!’ Everybody’s disappointed.” – Aisha Tyler

“Men always want to be a woman’s first love – women like to be a man’s last romance.” – Oscar Wilde