Shay Carl Butler has called YouTube home since 2006, but after his personal struggles in February led to his leave from the video-sharing site, the YouTuber considered going a different way with his professional life.

After opening up about his struggles with alcoholism on his Twitter account on Tuesday, Shay replied to fans, telling one viewer he frequently considers getting a different job. “I consider that every day,” the father of five wrote. “Maybe I should just go get a ‘regular job’ and shut my mouth.”

Still, Shay, 37, who grew to fame from his family’s Shaytards vlogs, says it is his desire to spread his message which makes him want to keep coming back to the web. “There is this urge to share my struggles,” he explained.

When another fan wrote to Shay, saying his vlogs inspired them to seek out the Mormon religion, Shay said he was proud of his impact. “I often hear about people joining the church due to our videos and it makes me feel great joy,” he tweeted. “I’ve found much peace within it.”

Shay also revealed to one fan that it’s been the support of the YouTube community that has helped him through his rough patch, which also includes an alleged online affair with a cam girl.

“Sincerely wouldn’t have made it through this if it weren’t for so many from the community showing love and understanding,” he wrote.

After quietly reactivating his Twitter page in September, Shay posted a series of messages to Twitter late Tuesday. In his posts, he announced that he has been sober for just over four months and his children, whom he shares with fellow vlogger Colette Butler, have noticed a difference in him.

“My kids says my eyes look ‘clear’ again. Deciding to forgive myself tonight,” he wrote.

Shay also shared with his 829,000 followers that over the past nine months he has battled with depression and regret, among other emotions, and at one point, “commiserated with those that suffer suicide.”

“Even stood on a ledge with a handful of drapes in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. I flee from that moment constantly,” he posted. “These things may crush me. Can’t hide anymore. Can’t continue to fill this shame bucket anymore. Can’t wait for forgiveness anymore.”

It’s unclear if Shay’s social media comeback means fans of his Shaytards channel can expect new vlogs. In the meantime, it looks like his subscribers will have to stick to watching the short videos of his family he’s been posting to Instagram.

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